You've Got Me

This is the poem I swore I would never allow you to inspire.
The thoughts that slowly seep in when living out my waking dream
I’ve been too afraid to speak because then they might have even more power.
The things that had you asked me yesterday
I would have undoubtedly denied
Because you
Are the man
Of my nightmares
The cracks in the never-ending sidewalk of my love life that I am forever trying to sidestep
As I try to keep my mama’s back unbroken.
And you and your kind from swallowing me whole.
As you always do.
This is the poem that forces my hand instead of the other way around
This is all my cards on the table
This is me after you have made me lose control.

You’ve got my mind hijacked for hours on end
Forcing it into lascivious landscapes of libidinous reverie
Ignoring the fact that I should have never even let you in the car in the first place
You’ve got me knowing exactly where you are in the room at all times
As if I am some kind of self-contained one-woman tracking device .
You’ve got me choosin’ outfits and underwear based on what I think you might like
You’ve got me writin’ poetry about your sorry ass
I mean, damn, baby; you’ve got me.

You’ve got me twisted and knotted up in kama sutra ideas
Of what we could do to each other
You’ve got me taking every other member of my spank bank out of rotation
You’ve got me mentally book marking a thousand and one things
I want to tell you about on any given day but when you’re around
I’m speechless and staring at my shoes
Like they might tell me my next (bold move) (willing them to feed me my next line)
You’ve got me thinking about what it might be like to wake up next to you
You’ve got me checkin’ my phone every 2 minutes to see if you’ve called or texted or paged
You’ve got me making excuse as to why you haven’t

You’ve got me wishin’ on eyelashes that the same things are happening to you.
Even though by best mind knows they’re not.
Despite all my tryin’, baby, you’ve got me.

I want to free myself
But the dysfunction in me looks at the dysfunction in you
And sees its perfectly inverted mirror reflection
A monstrously deformed and distorted lock-and-key


And every time we barely touch as we pass and pretend not to notice
Fate’s hands start shaking like “I just need one more drink”
Because she knows I’ve been tryin to wash your taste out of my mouth
The way one trys to wash out the taste of a hot pepper when they bit off more than they can chew -
By frantically grabbing anything or one in reach to try to stop the burning
And not only is it not working
But I’m kinda havin an “I told you no wire hangers!” moment with this
So she knows that I am a bullet in the barrel of a gun held by a high-school social outcast
Ready to fire
See I might just explode at any second.

But instead we sit here
Talkin’ shit like we’re letting our words duke it out over who could care less
Because that’s how much we don’t care
All the while exhaling unspoken and half-baked promises
Into blood shot eyes.
Hoping you’ll pass when I test you:
“Yeah, she was really cute. You should give her a call.”