11:47 PM or Mosh-Pit Queen

Just call me Lenny
And your heart is the softest mouse I ever felt.
I just want to hold it and pet it
And leave it at that
I am a mosh-pit queen
A boxing fiend
In a ring around your emotions
Throwing elbows and my weight around
Absorbed by the music of myself
I handle hearts
In oil-slick hands, fingers sutured together with sorry "I'm sorry"'s
To try and keep you from falling between the cracks
Of my sidewalk memory unsuccessfully.

And I try to be gentle,
But no one should trust me as much as they do
You hardly know me
And yet you hold me responsible.
Trust me with your most sacred possessions.
Put me up high and sing praises to your false, flipper-handed god
Knowing full well that I am a thief in the night
A dog on the run
Chasing after the latest thief I encountered
In a dark alley way who stole a basket holding all of my eggs—
Maybe that’s why you’re offering me yours;
I try to be gentle
But it seems like every time I handle with care
You take it to mean that I care deeply.
And just because I cherish you as a person
Doesn’t mean I cherish you as a lover.
I’m so sorry
We don’t get each other
I’m so sorry you think you get me
And I’m so sorry my heart doesn’t see you for the wondrous being you are
It doesn’t have eyes
Only feelings
And every decision it makes
Is made on the basis of how deeply you move it.
And quite frankly, honey, you ain’t been doin’ no heavy liftin' lately.
And I don’t wanna say I told you so
But I told you so.
When I said, I’m not whole right now
I can only offer you pieces
What I meant was
I’m not whole right now
I can only offer you pieces.
One pieces for you
One piece for her
One piece for him
And Three for myself
Because mama doesn’t want to sleep alone tonight
Or feel so empty.
See, back when boys were still wrapped in cellophane, untouched
By innocent and curious hands
And feelings just went as far as crushes
I used to imagine curling up next to someone just like you
One who would look at me just like you do
And wrap me in the warmth of a heartbeat with steady hands, just the like try to
But nowadays I’d rather go home with a little more of me and little less of you.
And curl up next to cold sheets that get colder with each echoed
I love you and colder still with each one that went unsaid
But truth be told,
Baby, I like the cold
So my advice to you
Is don’t go around trustin’ strangers
With your most precious pieces
Do some research before you go layin’ claim
And from now on, sweetheart, I will do the same

Real Life Annie Hall v.2.5

Real Life Annie Hall V 2.5

This back and forth
Tug of war
One heart at each end of a rope
Is getting old

With us it’s always one step foreword
Two steps back
And I’m not saying I need more from you
I’m not saying I need more space.
All I’m saying is
There is beauty in stillness.

How can we even feel the rhythm of ourselves
To see if we can groove together
If we are constantly pacing
Too scared that if we stop running in circles
Our shortcomings will nail our feet to the floor

See, sometimes I feel like I am stuck in
A real life version of Annie Hall
And you?
You don’t want to be a part of any club
That would have you as a member

And last time I checked, the actress gets no say in the directors’ cut
But she does get say in signin on for the sequel
And that’s a doted line you can follow all the way back to never-gonna-happen land
In fact, you best not even pitch me the idea
Cause, see, I have to protect me
If I don’t give myself top priority
No one will give me priority at all
So when I follow suit
When I leave
Let me go
Don’t call me when you can’t sleep
Don’t hold me when you feel lonely
Don’t kiss my neck when you feel affectionate
Let me go.

Because those gestures are hollow
Overflowing with fuck-all
And I have no more room or need for empty space
They are not given freely and from a place
Of love
They are given from a black hole
That starts in your chest
And continues on through my past and your past and our past and your present
And ends here
It ends
Here.

Because I am though trading my concrete kisses
For poured-out promises
Spread so thin they dissipate
Before they even leave your tongue

No matter how much of me pour into that black hole
No matter how of any person you pour into that black hole
You’ll never stop the void from swallowing you whole.
A cup without a bottom can never be filled
So do one last thing for me baby-
Start digging around in your closet
Sort out all your secrets
Into what hurts and what’s harmless
And find the bottom of that cup
For me, won’t you baby?

And once you’ve fixed the bottom
Fill it up with your self.
And once your self is spilling over the brim
Only then you offer it to others.