12:00 AM

So many things thought and yet so few written.
Where does a sphere start?
The center?
Starting there one loses all context.
Any sense of magnitude is fucked.
The only other starting point would be any randomly chosen area.
So that’s where we’ll start.

Something similar to shock--but without the element of surprise. No, shock would be more like finding you father staring in a burlesque bearing his stage name (Pussycat Surprise); this is more like finding foundation damage in an old house. You didn’t know for sure but you knew there was a good chance. It is still altogether upsetting. You hope the foundation is as intact as the day it was built. But you know such is not the way of the world. The earth shifts and changes and to expect it to be constant is to allow oneself to be delusional.

Next area.
The unity of head and heart is essential here. One must open up all lines of communication so that messages may be sent to and fro freely without any judgment or censoring. To act in unity they must have access to whatever is happening in each. Then they may act as one whole rather than pieces.

Next.
What. The Fuck. Happened?! Were you asleep? Were you so nieve that you thought it would all go away? Oh no, let me guess, you thought that is would just work itself out, right? Because that has always been so successful in the past. Jesus. Where was you head? Either all that “unity of head and heart” crap was bullshit or your head got fuckin’ hijacked, sweetie.

And Then.
You know you were really pushy. I mean not Jewish mother pushy, but all the same. You pushed. There should always be balance, and you, my friend, did not maintain the balance. I mean you could try to maintain it now, but you know that isn’t what you REALLY want. What you really want is to feel the push back when you push. You do know that instead of testing out to see if there is a push back you are just pushing over the edge, right? Seriously, you don’t want to be a pushy person, why you be all actin like one? That’s not the you you really are. Heh. You you…

Oh, and
You know that there is no such thing as an unhappy ending. Worst case scenario; it hurts for awhile, and you move on. It happens all the time. You move on and spend some time single, I mean… it’s about time, right? You have been in relationships for just over two years now. And single life can be really fun; the excitement of what could be is a really beautiful thing. Who doesn’t like a random drunken make-out now and again, right?

But what if it just makes the two of you stronger? What if it is just a test that the relationship passes?!
Shut up.

And here.
Don’t jump too far ahead. Honestly, the present moment for humans is rarely longer than 2 minutes. And the longest “now” in the sense of “I am so into leggings right now” is only about two to three weeks. So try not to think about it too much right…now…and take solace in the fact that in two weeks, your situation will have changed and just about every emotion you are feeling now will change along with it.

Oh yeah, and
Breathe.